A motivational post..Most of the contents are real..But I defaced some...enjoy this article :
My one and only friend IF is still a friend of mine because he is streightforward to me. I like streightforward people. They don't hide anything.
His predictions are very good. But there is one problem between us.
IF is way too smarter than me(This is not the problem). On the other hand I am a......... never mind..The problem is there are some misunderstandings between us...
I think that I am the worst peice of shit ever born on this doomed planet who has no idea about the world.
I think IF thinks much worse than me, about me.
I am not blaming anyone for that.Because after a long time I realized, "Human being make their own mess,so they have to clean their own too." How? Who cares how!
Anyway there are something that we really should have talked about soon. But looks like we are not capable of that because we have different timelines of holidays.
An Imaginary conversation with IF:
IF: Srabon, you are a goat.
Me: Hummm...
IF: Please turn into a human soon.
Me: How?
IF: You are still a goat.
Me: Hmm
These are the typical talks we do when we meet. Any person in this world might hate that.But I kind of like him. At least someone outside my family care about me. Ain't I a lucky goat.
These days he is talking in more.... I dunno the word...How should I put this..elderly mode.. This is okay. He is not clear about something...Actually a lot of things...
Again starting:(30-March 2017)
Me: IF I really like someone very much. I think I am in love.
IF: Who is that?
Me: Shaddrin Saifiaa.( and then told the description)[Real name replaced]
IF: Same Age?
Me: Nope, she is less.
IF: Study level same (asking about grade/year/class)
Me: Yes.
IF : Forget it. She will reject you streight in front of everyone.(I was confused first. Why did he say, "in front of everyone" She could reply instant or tell me through message. Then I realized she could get me into a public place and insult me.Horrible! )
Me : But.. but..um..(I was going to say something)
IF: Stop!
This is a wrong prediction. Streightforward people have one little problem. They always think that they know the rest of the line. But I know they don't.Not about me.Here is a little thing I want to share my friend===>> I never interfere into other's life. I follow a very strict rule,Never start a relation without being mentally and financially prepared. And never get into a relation untill someone else is ready to die with me(means propose me/figure out I want her badly).Actually two rules ,sorry.And I know there is no girl out there (without my Mom) who wants me..Shit! Anyway there is a long Shitty psychological explanation behind that.
I have prepared myself as a feelingless beast after all these years of mental torture.Because I figured out that people around me are feelingless too. They don't care about their spawns. They care about something that could be destroyed in a minute..But one thing I must say that IF cared about me.
Now I want to start another:
Me: Hey IF, How are you going to feel if someone forcefully take away a toy you like the most and break it?(Now here is one thing.IF is not an optimistic, so he might reply with ===>> Dhur Baal.)
I am going to try again....
Me: Hey IF...What if someone take your mobile from you.In fact one of your favourite one how you are going to feel?( This might or might not work.But sorry I have to keep this conversation going in)
IF: I am gonna...... that.. ........(censored).
A psychological impression. They always talk about what they are going to do when they are angry..But I asked how he would feel...Not what he would do.?
IF:Okay I am gonna feel bad..of course..Goat! you don't have to ask this..Don't you know that?
Me: Now that is my problem...A lot of things were taken from me.Then destroyed before my eyes.That is the main reason I keep myself locked away from society for a long time(Still locked) .
Society don't give a shit about what I am going to do. At the end of the day they are going to calculate what they have got from me. And a fun fact is that they are going to calculate that without a Casio FX-991 scientific calculator. Again....Shit!
Human being is the most sadistic(I felt like I should put this word even though I have no idea what does this means),psychologicaly / mentaly paradoxed being ever created on earth.Someone who is trying to be good with his/her family are not well known or smart before their friends circle. And who is trying to get along with friends are bad before his/her family.
So I decided...I don't give a fuck..Really! you have to turn into something else which you are not, for being mama's boy or kings of fighter(I mean good with friends).
So I thought about something else........Wait I have to clear something else too.......
The thing you said today (30-March,2017)kind of depressed my shit out....The ex-rel....(why bother with short form) ex-relation....
IF: Rahima(Replacing the real name) would have loved and continued the relation with you. But you are a Goat! Change your attitude.
Me: (Silenced)....(No humm no nothing this time)
After all these years he is telling me about that...
I want to know something....That relation broke up, because it was no relation...it was a sense of guilt that we would heart each other...Did she wanted this?Did I wanted this(actually I wanted that)....But who cares when a boy say yes...
Relation is not a one way function...(Oops a programmer way of saying) a one way decision...
Two minds must fuse with each other. Like we are.. We hate each other,we fight each other over different matters(we never actually fought by hands).But we have a good relation between us.(Trust me sometimes I wish why the bloody hell you are not a girl. Then I could elope with you.Haha)
Anyway that is some nasty imagination.Forget it.I discussed about my rel with IF a long time ago. But he is blinded so much with this idea that I am some unsmart,selfish,self-centered goat. Actually he is right about the self-centered stuff.Goat! I have no idea about.Selfish...... Not a single chance
After all these I came to some decisions:
1. I am going to open myself to those who really know who I am. And I am going to stay far away from those who don't know/realize me.
2.I am not going to propose anyone whom I like.(A matter of crucial fact that my family members are forcing me to get inside a relation while I am trying to cope with the fact that my parents are wasting a huge amount of money after me for my study.And the most crucial fact sometimes they ask me about how many girls are there in my class.)If anyone wants to start with me(a relation) then I am going start and ready to die for her(before dying I would like to examine if I am drunk or something.Because there is no girl who is going to do that.And this time I am not talking about my mom because we are already in a son-mom relationship).
3. I am going to wear my Undies regularly.(Oops never should have said this).
Anyway here is something again we are going to argue about...But I think you might try to pass this one with care...
Me: Hey IF do you know how it feels when someone try to stop you from doing what you are good at? Do you know how it feels when someone take away your tools and order you to do things that must be done with those tools and when you can't do that they mock you and say bad things about you?
IF: (pretty much silence)
This is the main reason I never try to talk with people...But it comes with a crucial pain...It's not like I don't want to talk with people. But when I look at people(specially some people) I feel kind of stranded. My so called precious paranoia triggers with the knowledge of past that what people had done with me. But I really would like to talk with people... Sometimes I can't find words to talk with them.
I am alone.(psychologicaly of course.you can never be alone physically in a country of 20 crore population). People are not meant to be alone.But I am..I try to talk with people a lot. But when I sit before /beside them I find myself out of talk. I have nothing to talk with them..How should I.
I dunno the news.
I don't hang out.
I don't talk much.
I don't play sports.
I don't share my studies with classmates/rummies
I am not from their generation
I don't know what other's like
I don't brush my teeth.......etc etc etc..
I am a boy(Not a man for sure) with a false hope that everything is going to change someday . I am a boy with a delusion that people are going to behave good when I am also good with them. Fuck people... People always use you when you are good at something.(I am good at nothing so people don't even know that I exist)...
I have learnt a lot of things. People have done a lot of bad things with me too. But I never broke my ideals. And now I am like an old man who is waiting for death. What is our purpose, to bang other's life? You might be my bestie. But you can never realize the pain I have ever felt( Like I am never going to realize whadda fuck you enjoy while smoking). But one thing you remember I am never going to change. I am going to evolve. If anyone want to stay with me I will stay by their side.
I could have stopped this life with a suicide but that is against my code. I wanna live. (Not for the girl I like).I am gonna live my life for me,myself. And nobody controls my life. I am the master of my own strategy and the writer of my own story.
After this conversation my friend would say ===>> Goat!You will always remain a Goat!Baal!
Uff trust me man I always enjoy called by Goat by my best friend so much.(I don't hate it when other people say that. I mean really I am not going to turn into a goat when you are addressing me with that name.I mean when you address a girl by whore she is not a whore(Not all the time). Anyway the fact is that, let people say whatever they want to. But I am going to win and show these people that their so called bounds never worked on me and now I am successful.
Here is a joke to make a happy ending...
In 7th grade there was a boy who called me by the name "Goat"..Now when we call someone by his/her name we of course remember their real name too. But this guy used the name so much that he totally forgot my real name.Hahahahaha.... :) :-)
" Baal" means dick hair.
